The Chemistry of Love and Attraction
Balance your Chemistry for Romance and Love
By Dr. Gabrielle Francis
Romantic Love is perhaps one of the greatest dreams and ideals of all humanity. Love is the Muse that inspires poetry, art, temples, music, and dance. That magical feeling of “Falling in Love” can be attributed to many mysteries such as destiny, astrological alignments, gifts from a Higher Power, and right time and place.
But did you know that love and attraction also set off a Chemical Symphony of Hormones and Neurochemicals in our body?
Our body gives off signals that helps attract Love and then the connection of the relationship sets off chemical reactions that enhance our experience and take it to the next level. When we are healthy and our hormones are in balance, we attract and love with an enhanced experience.
There are 3 Stages of Romantic Love and each has special hormones and chemicals that activate that experience. We can balance and enhance these hormones in our body by healthy lifestyle activities and foods. This helps raise our love vibration to attract Romantic Love and Enhance Relationships with others and ourselves.
“Love is Love”
Let’s take a look at the Stages of Love and Attraction and the Chemistry of each stage.
3 STAGES OF ROMANTIC LOVE
LUST (Erotic Love)
The Initial Love stimulus is set off by our biological wiring to procreate, whether we want children or not. The Hormones of Estrogen, Progesterone, and Testosterone are hormones in both Women and Men, and they give us the urge to connect sexually and physically. The female hormones, Estrogen and Progesterone,make us more Receptive, Intuitive, Compassionate, Emotional, and Sensitive. They make us more Magnetic and Attractive. Testosterone enhances the libido of both men and woman and makes us yearn for physical and sexual contact. When a woman is Ovulating in her midcycle her Estrogen peaks. Men with High Testosterone will find a woman irresistible at this time. Testosterone also makes us Free Spirited, Competitive, and Energetic. It can make us compete to connect to someone and literally chase them down! Spring Fever can be attributed to the Sunlight stimulating Testosterone levels in both Men and Women making them come out for Lust after a long winter of Hibernation.
Pheromones are the subtle hormones of scent that make us attracted to Lovers.
Pheromones also attract us to partners that have a different immune system and biology than ours but that would enhance the immunity of the offspring. Pheromone levels are affected by our sex hormone levels. Therefore, if you have low levels of hormones due to an imbalance, the birth control pill, menopause or andropause, the Pheromones that you are giving off may not be as strong. Many women describe going into Menopause as being “invisible”. and this can be attributed in part to the changing hormones and Pheromonelevels.
Hormone balance is very important for the activation of LUST, the first Stage of Romantic Love, our sexual connection to a Lover. There are many ways to balance the hormones naturally and raise your personal hormones and Pheromones.
ESTROGEN and PROGESTERONE
The Female Hormones are found in both women and men. They are responsible for our Magnetism, Intuition, Creativity, Nurturing, and Emotional Fluidity. They wire us to Mother, Caretake, and Love unconditionally.
Balance Estrogen and Progesterone:
- Do a moon meditation.
Stare at the moon for 28 days. This will help to cycle the hormones in the rhythm of a normal cycles ebb and flows.
- Take a Flower and Essential Oil Bath.
Enhance receptivity in a warm bath with Rose Petals and Essential oils of Lavender, Clary Sage, and Geranium.
- Nurture someone.
Show some motherly love to a child, pet or family member to stimulate hormones designed to help us Mother.
- Phyto-Estrogen Foods and Herbs:
Soy, Flax Seeds, Alfalfa Sprouts, Buckwheat, Lavender, Hemp, Rose and Jasmine.
- Phyto-Progesterone Foods and Herbs:
Wild Yam, Maca, Vitex, Clary Sage, and Evening Primrose Oil.
Testosterone is the hormone responsible for the Sex Drive of both men and woman. It makes us Sexual, Interested, Engaged, Competitive, and Active. It also helps to create the initial connection to a Lover.
1. Get 20-30 minutes of Sunshine every day.
2. Exercise and Physical Activity.
Aerobic Exercise and Weight Training helps to increase our Testosterone.
3. Testosterone Foods:
The magical aphrodisiacs of Oysters, Avocados, Eggs, Lean Meats, Nuts and Beans help make Testosterone.
These subtle hormones of scent can make or break an attraction and it is found that when people fall out of love, they don’t like their Lovers smell. Things that balance Estrogen, Progesterone and Testosterone will have an impact on the Pheromones that you project.
- Pheromone Foods:
- Birth Control Options:
You can also consider getting a new form of birth control as the BCP will cause a woman to give off the pheromones of someone in Menopause.
ATTRACTION (Passionate Love)
“Addicted to Love”
After the Initial Physical Lusting connection, the Romantic Love turns into an outright Addictive High. ATTRACTION is the phase where we begin to obsess over the Lover and think of them constantly. This stage sets off the chemicals of Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Phenylalanine in our brains. These hormones make us literally “High on Love” by triggering the reward pathways in our brain. We feel good when we are with the person and we feel a withdrawal when they are not around. We begin to see our lover as the person that makes us Happy and gives us Pleasure. We also may begin to obsess about them constantly and have poor judgment and the inability to see their faults. The hormones of ATTRACTION are attributed to the “Love is Blind” Quality. These hormones trigger giddiness, Euphoria, and bursts of energy. They cause the loss of appetite and insomnia that is associated with “Being in Love.” If there is a breakup or separation there may be a deep feeling of loss, depression, and fatigue from the chemicals plummeting. The ATTRACTION Stage lasts about 2-3 years; however, some couples may maintain the ATTRACTION for life.
The chemicals of Attraction are produced by the adrenal glands and are part of the Adrenaline complex.
DOPAMINE and NOREPINEPHRINE:
“Love is the Drug”
Dopamine is associated with Pleasure and Satisfaction. It helps Focus and Concentration. It triggers the reward pathways in our brain that make us likely to feel addictive.
Norepinephrine helps us to Focus, Concentrate, Engage and Connect. It makes us interested in things and help us follow through with things we start. It gives us Initiative, Motivation and an increased Metabolism.
Balance Dopamine and Norepinephrine:
- Exercise daily 30-40 minutes
- Infrared Sauna
- Take a Cold Shower
- Eat Tyrosine Foods: Eggs, Chicken, Beef, Nuts and Seeds
- Do Activities that are Exciting, New and Challenging that stretch your comfort zone.
PEA is the neurotransmitter that helps to make Endorphins, our natural Pain Killers. It makes us feel Euphoric and Elated. Phenylalanine reduces sensations of pain and enhances our feelings of Pleasure and Well-being. Phenylalanine is the hormone that makes us feel Euphoric when in the ATTRACTION phase of love.
- Each Dark Chocolate at least 70% of higher.
- Phenylalanine Foods: Soy, Eggs, Seafood, Pumpkin seeds, and cheese.
- Exercise 30 minutes per day.
- Acupuncture and Massage.
ATTACHMENT (Enduring Love)
ATTACHMENT is the deepest stage of Romantic Love. During ATTACHMENT we experience deep bonding and emotional intimacy. ATTACHMENT creates an emotional connection and family- like loyalty to the Romantic Relationship. ATTACHMENT may also be seen in friendships and family relationships. Here there is an intimate bond that transcends the fleeting LUST and ATTRACTION phase. We may say that this is the more Mature stage of Love and it is Enduring. The hormones responsible for the ATTACHMENT phase are Oxytocin and Vasopressin, which are also known as the Bonding hormones. These hormones make us feel Connected and Secure and they initiate a sense of Tribe. Serotonin is also an important hormone in the ATTACHMENT phase. Serotonin gives us the sense of Peace and Wellbeing when we are in Love. It makes us feel Happy and Positive.
OXYTOCIN and VASOPRESSIN
“All You Need is Love”
Oxytocin and Vasopressin are our bonding hormones. They give us a sense of Connection, Trust with another person. They are necessary for the deepened intimacy and connection that come with an Enduring Love relationship.
Raise Oxytocin and Vasopressin:
- Hugging and Physical touch is essential for stimulating these hormones.
- Sex causes a large surge in Oxytocin and Vasopressin
- Breast Feeding and Caring for Children and Pets.
- Hanging out with Friends and Family, laughing and telling stories.
- Get a massage or body work session.
“Sunshine of Your Love”
Serotonin is our Happy Hormone. It gives us a sense of Well-being, Peace and Hopefulness. Serotoninmakes us feel Lifted and Positive. In Romantic Love, Serotonin is responsible for feeling proud of our Partner and Happy in the Relationship.
- Get 20-30 minutes of sunlight in nature daily.
- Exercise 30 minutes daily.
- Sleep at least 7-8 hours per night.
- Get a Massage or Acupuncture.
- Eat foods high in Tryptophan: Whole Grains, Turkey, Dairy products, Oatmeal, Nuts and Seeds, Potatoes.
- Listen to Music that evokes a positive memory from the past.
The Chemistry of Love and Attraction is a symphony of players that work together to enhance the Stages of Romantic Love: LUST, ATTRACTION, and ATTACHMENT. We can make easy lifestyle and diet changes to balance our chemistry and hormones. When we are balanced and regenerated, we Raise our Love Vibration. This enhances Attraction and deepens our Experience of Romantic Love and Self Love. The healthier we are the healthier are our Relationships with others and ourselves.